How I learned to stop proving myself and start trusting myself
Proving myself burned me out. Trusting myself is setting me free.
It’s a gloomy fall(ish) morning as I sip my matcha and start writing in my journal.
I had a thought this morning that caught me off guard. As my boyfriend was pouring water into the Chemex, I thought: I feel like I’m not working on anything right now. I feel like I’m just… being.
For me, that felt weird. My intuition immediately popped in like, “HA, nice try Ash.” Then another little ping followed: you need to write your thoughts out.
Lately I haven’t been journaling because I tell myself I’m “thinking it all through in my head.” But let me just say—there is so much going on up there that there’s no way it can all be organized into something that makes sense without paper.
So, back to the gloomy fall morning with my matcha. I opened my journal, and sure enough, once everything was out of my head and onto the page, I realized what I am working on right now:
Patience.
Patience with the new business I’m building. Patience with my manifestations coming into reality.
And let me tell you—patience has never been my strong suit. When I want something, I go FULL FORCE ALL IN. (Yes, caps lock necessary. That’s how aggressive I get about going after what I want.)
Going all in can be a good thing, but I’ve noticed the downsides too: not slowing down to actually listen to my intuition, creating something and then second-guessing if I even want it, wondering if this is what I really want out of life.
Another big downside? When I’m laser-focused on the end goal, I can’t enjoy the process. It becomes all-consuming. And when I’m consumed like that, I feel restless, unhappy, and definitely not present. The journey is life. If you’re not enjoying the journey, you’re not enjoying your life.
Be honest—have you ever been so obsessed with a goal that you missed out on actually living the day-to-day? That’s where I caught myself.
So now I refuse to let my goals steal the joy out of my days. That’s where patience comes in.
What’s the one area of your life right now that could use more patience?
Of course, my brain still loves to scream “I NEED TO DO MORE” (again, caps lock intentional). But then my body and intuition step in, reminding me: we’ve already tried that before, and it didn’t work the way we thought it would.
Honestly, this feels easier now because I’ve done so much work regulating my body over the past year. I’m not in fight-or-flight 24/7 anymore, running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I’m calmer. And that calm is why I even can hear these intuitive nudges telling me this new business needs to be built differently this time.
A lot of my old urgency came from limiting beliefs—mainly that I needed to prove myself. To my family. To the world. To myself?!
Who do you catch yourself trying to prove something to? A parent? A boss? Maybe even your past self?
But I’ve been deconditioning. Rewiring. Reminding myself: I don’t need to prove anything to anyone. I get to do things because they feel good. Because I enjoy them.
Now, instead of asking, “Will this prove something?” I ask: Does this light me up or drain me?
When I actually listen to myself and act on those intuitive pings, I build trust with myself.
That’s why I’m not rushing my new business. I trust myself. I trust the universe.
I’m just following the breadcrumbs.
The energy of trust is so powerful. I still struggle with it, but I’m learning to embody it more every day.
There are still things I don’t trust—alcohol being one of them. But instead of focusing on that, I choose to trust the universe. I know what’s meant for me will never pass me by.
And that shift? It changes everything. When you trust yourself and the universe—SHEEESH—that hits different.
For example: me and my boyfriend once had a podcast together. We ran it for a few months, but I had a gut feeling I needed to create my own show. I wanted to talk about mindset and manifestation—the stuff that lights me up—that he wasn’t as into. So I listened.
Now, two years later, I’ve posted at least one episode every week. It’s one of my favorite things in the world. For a long time it grew slowly, but in July it exploded—600% growth. I didn’t know how it would work, but I trusted.
If I’d been chasing the podcast just to prove myself, I probably would’ve quit a long time ago. But I didn’t. And now, that slow trust has turned into exponential growth.
That’s what I’m learning: if I can trust the podcast, I can trust the rest of my life.
Trust is something you build, little by little. It starts with listening. Getting quiet. Creating space in your day.
Try it—five quiet minutes today. What would you hear if you actually listened?
With love,
Ash