The Healing I Couldn’t Find in a Prescription
How creating safety inside myself changed my skin, my body, and my whole relationship with myself.
When We Think of Healing…
When we think of healing, most of us think of going to the doctor.
I’m sick… I need to go to the doctor.
Can’t sleep… go to the doctor.
You get the picture.
What I believe to be true now is that our bodies are insanely powerful and can often heal themselves when given the right conditions. And to be clear — I’m not anti–western medicine. There are absolutely times and places for it. But this story is about the healing I couldn’t find in a prescription.
The Doctor’s Visit That Stuck With Me
It was a sunny afternoon in Marin County. I walked into the bougie waiting area and waited for my name to be called.
“Ashley Robutz.”
The nurse led me to the back and prompted me to step on the scale. I tried so hard not to look because my body image was in a terrible place. I was severely undereating, hoping the number would drop as low as possible.
“134.6,” she read out loud.
Immediately, the spiraling began:
“Wait, I was 132 this morning — how did I gain already?”
“I’ll just do extra cardio after this.”
“Oh wait, I can’t. I have to watch my niece… maybe we’ll go for a long walk.”
My mind kept racing until the doctor pulled me back into the room with a simple question:
“So, what brings you in today?”
I told her I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned all night. I insisted, “I’m a really healthy person,” though looking back now, I see how untrue that was.
She asked if I had a lot of worrying thoughts before bed. I said yes, yes, and even in the middle of the night. Her response:
“Perfect, I’ll prescribe you a small dose of an anti-depressant.”
I remember feeling confused — Does she think I’m depressed? I didn’t feel like I was. I asked if there was anything else I could take. She suggested Benadryl.
Since I was in my “all-natural” era, I never filled the prescription. And so my sleep remained terrible for years.
The Reality of My “Healthy” Lifestyle
I thought I was the picture of health back then, but in reality, I was completely dysregulated.
- Food & body: I was severely undereating, constantly stressed about food, and obsessing over the number on the scale. My body image was horrible, and I never felt like I was enough.
- Exercise: I overdid it — hours of cardio, sometimes multiple workouts a day — pushing my body further into stress instead of strength.
- Daily life: I was rushing 24/7, always feeling like there wasn’t enough time. I couldn’t relax, couldn’t be present, and got frustrated when others couldn’t keep up with me.
- Nervous system: I carried so much unprocessed trauma and emotion. I was the “sensitive one” who let feelings rule my day, and my body never felt safe.
- Health markers: My sleep was awful, my HRV (a measure of stress) was terrible, and I battled chronic acne that no skincare routine could fix.
On the surface, it looked like discipline. But underneath, my body was in survival mode.
The Turning Point
I didn’t know it at the time, but that doctor’s visit marked the beginning of my inner healing journey. It took years of trial and error, learning my body, and finally discovering the tools that worked for me.
In the last year especially, I’ve transformed more than I ever thought possible. I feel happy, grounded, clear, and present. I sleep deeply. I enjoy the little moments. My body feels strong and radiant. When spirals come, I have tools to process emotions and move on instead of staying stuck.
I’m not perfect — I still have my moments — but now I know how to return to balance.
The Unconventional Healing Tools That Changed Everything
I didn’t just stumble on these practices overnight. I worked with mentors who guided me, held space for me, and taught me how to use these tools in ways that actually stuck. I wouldn’t be where I am today without that support.
- Breathwork + Somatic Healing
Breathwork is the intentional regulation of your breath to influence the nervous system. Somatic healing is body-centered therapy that helps release trauma and stress stored in the body. For me, the two work hand in hand — helping me feel, process, and release emotions so my body can return to a state of safety.
When I use it:
- When my chest feels tight, or I notice my shoulders creeping up to my ears.
- Before bed if my thoughts are racing.
- When I feel emotions building up (anger, sadness, anxiety) and I need a safe outlet.
- After a stressful day when my body is buzzing and I want to come back to calm.
- Subconscious Reprogramming
Subconscious reprogramming shifts the automatic patterns and beliefs that run beneath the surface. My favorite method is NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), which involves identifying the root of a limiting belief and releasing it. This work rewired the old “never enough” loops that kept me trapped.
When I use it:
- When I catch myself spiraling with the same old thought patterns.
- If I notice a belief popping up like “I don’t have time” or “my body isn’t good enough.”
- When I feel resistance to doing something I know is good for me (like resting or nourishing my body).
- Anytime I want to upgrade the way I talk to myself and plant a healthier belief.
- Joy
It sounds simple, but joy has been medicine for me. When I quit drinking, I thought I’d never have fun again. But joy — in both little rituals like my morning matcha or bigger moments like golfing with friends — keeps me grounded in the present and reminds my body that it’s safe to relax and receive.
When I use it:
- In the mornings, to start my day in a high-vibration state (matcha, candles, music).
- When life feels heavy or overwhelming — joy shifts the energy instantly.
- On days I want to reconnect with gratitude and presence.
- Anytime I need a reminder that healing isn’t only about hard work, but about actually living.
Why This Combination Healed Me So Deeply
For years, I thought healing meant fixing my mind or fixing my body. What I now know is that the two are inseparable. My thoughts, emotions, and physical symptoms were all feeding into each other. My body was stuck in survival mode.
These practices worked at every layer at once:
- Food & body: I stopped obsessing, began eating to nourish instead of restrict, and my body image softened.
- Exercise: I moved in ways that regulated my nervous system instead of draining it, and my energy became stable.
- Daily life: I slowed down, became more present, and let myself actually enjoy small moments.
- Nervous system: Breathwork, somatics, and subconscious work rewired my stress response, so emotions no longer ran the show.
- Health markers: My stress hormones lowered, my skin cleared, my HRV improved, and my sleep normalized.
Together, these practices didn’t just help me “think more positively.” They changed my biology. I feel more present, more grounded, and more radiant than I ever imagined possible.
I’m sharing this because my healing wasn’t just mental or emotional — my physical symptoms shifted too. My skin, my sleep, my energy, my body… everything changed once I finally did the inner work.
My big aha moment
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that healing isn’t about finding the perfect doctor or the perfect routine — it’s about creating safety within your body and mind. When your body feels safe, it knows how to heal.
My story is just one example, but it’s proof that the unconventional tools we often overlook can create the biggest shifts.
I’d love to hear from you — what’s one practice (big or small) that helps you feel safe in your body?